i miss people so damned much. since K was born (and since the subsequent shameful decline of my habitat and resultant lack of company) my world has shrunk down to a size that....well, small enough to blend in and hide amongst all the shattered goldfish crackers on my floors.
at first i liked it. i like creating an insular little unit, snuggling up in that group. i love my family, what else do i need?
but then it stopped being about laziness, or choice, exactly, and the hermitting continued. couldn't keep the house in anything resembling non-frathouse condition. couldn't keep the kids quiet or properly entertained. couldn't shower. didn't know where all my pants went. it got so i'd even *refuse* the opportunities i had to leave the house. you know how your world can narrow and narrow until the idea of an open world, full of other stuff, becomes a little terrifying? that was me. that *is* me. i'm just trying to fight it.
so i'm cleaning the house and inviting people over. and if the house messes itself back up or never really gets clean i am NOT uninviting them. i will have people here, in my space, and either i'll clean it up so i'm not embarassed or i'll just deal with it and stop letting the state of my floors dictate whether i can have friends.
i can't get out and about that much right now, ok. but people could be coming to us. i've just been stopping them.
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